Letter to Aja

Email to Aja, May 25 2008

You could always do what I do: run from it. You could, say, go to Africa where it's like being on another planet and each thing around you is so weird and interesting and different that you don't have time to think about the tough stuff. It's like trading one set of challenges for a whole new set. But in a way I envy your ability to even allow yourself the heartache. I have learned to make my heart like stone, and that's probably not the best approach.

I'm tired. Like a lot. To go from having such a routine daily life to a life where each day is totally different and unknown is just plain tiring. And I haven't had a cup of real coffee in weeks. Yes, weeks. They mainly drink tea and instant coffee, and my body is kinda freaking out.

Sometimes I'm like "god i just want to be alone" but then when I'm alone in my little hotel room I don't feel like being alone.

But there were those few days when I was with Shivani, chasing lions in Samburu National Reserve and I was the happiest EVER. That's what I came here for. Now I just have to figure out how to have more of those times.

Work and Play

People have asked me if this is work or play.

Before I left, Paris delivered this delicious pearl of wisdom: "If you really love your job, you've never worked a day in your life." So that's how I choose to see it. Although I'm still waking up at five a.m. with a flush of anxiety, wondering how I will pull this off, I know that I'm here doing something I love and get to call it a job.

View of Mt. Kenya from AWF's Nanyuki office.